Happy New Year! We already have a sense of what 2024 may have in store for us, so let’s set the right tone with this observation from David Brooks, in his recent and excellent book, How to Know a Person (2023):

The thing we need most is relationships. The thing we seem to suck at most is relationships. The effects of this are ruinous and self-reinforcing. Social disconnection warps the mind. When people feel unseen, they tend to shut down socially. People who are lonely and unseen become suspicious. They start to take offense where none is intended. They become afraid of the very thing they need most, which is intimate contact with other humans.

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The crisis in our personal lives eventually shows up in our politics. According to research by Ryan Streeter of the American Enterprise Institute, lonely people are seven times more likely than non-lonely people to say they are active in politics. For people who feel disrespected and unseen, politics is a seductive form of social therapy.

Call your mom. Pick up where you left off with an old friend. Make a new friend. The purpose of civilization isn’t to host some zero-sum argument until one side is exhausted and vanquished. In fact, playing only to win the argument does more harm than good. If you feel compelled to get involved in some hip new cause, consider building a relationship instead.

Many thanks to a friend for drawing my attention to Julie Schumacher’s hilarious novel, Dear Committee Members (2014), which unfolds exclusively through a series of academic letters of recommendation.